Top ten ways to make tax day more fun

10. Sit down with your 1040 instruction booklet and a bottle of Jack Daniels. Every time you see the words “capital gain distributions,” do a shot.

9. Show up at your local H&R Block and yell “Free pizza for everyone!”

8. Try to write off your online porn subscriptions as a business expense.

7. Attend a tax day protest with a sign that reads “Fund Doggy Day-Spa Treatments for Bo!”

6. Stand in line at the post office with the intention of viewing the PS I Love You stamp collection.

5. Tell your children to horde the “tax relief” bite-sized cinnamon rolls Cinnabon is giving away since this is what they will be eating for breakfast for the next month.

4. Take your role of “Head of Household” more seriously by wearing a crown and insisting that your family address you as “My Liege”.

3. Make a contribution to wildlife by papering your hamster cage with form IT-201.

2. Find someone who is blind and born before January 2, 1944 and help them check the boxes on line 39a.

1. Claim a child in Malawi as your dependant.

Want to look good? Wear a fanny pack

Spring is here and you know what that means! It’s time to clean out the closets, switch over your wardrobe and decide on your signature look for the season. So what is the one signature piece that will define your style for the next few months to come? Is it a head scarf or a colorful belt or an espadrille? No. It is something better. This season, those of us in the know will be rocking a fanny pack.

If you think a fanny pack is something that only uncool tourists wear, think again. A fanny pack is for anyone who has ever dreamt of taking photos or gesticulating wildly without a cumbersome bag swinging from their shoulder. Until you have felt the ease and simplicity that comes with reaching into a pouch on your stomach and pulling out a) a pocket pack of tissues b) your lipstick c) the other half of a breakfast burrito you wrapped up in a paper napkin to save for later because you knew you’d be hungry – you have not known the pleasures of a fanny pack.

I wear a fanny pack when I travel because it makes me feel like a crimefighter. How can someone snatch my purse when there is no purse to snatch? There is no better feeling than yelling “Psych!” to a potential thief on the monorail, knowing that my crisp, ten-dollar bill is safely hidden within the confines of my fanny pack.

You may have seen those fancy fanny packs made by Louis Vuitton. But it doesn’t have to cost a lot of money to look great wearing this season’s “it” bag. Take my fanny pack, for example, pictured above, which I received free from American Express. If you are not a super-important credit card customer like me, don’t despair. You can buy a fanny pack, like the one my mom is wearing in the photo, at fine stores everywhere.

Wearing a fanny pack is more than a fashion statement – it’s like being part of a cool club. Whenever I see a fellow fanny pack wearer I make sure to wave and smile. Kind of like the punch buggy thing, only better.